New Airline Rules

A Tupolev · 07-05-2008, 12:34 AM

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5.
It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy.
Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit,
And fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal.
And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the
Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge.
It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter?
What the heck can I do with this?

Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.

gospodin · 07-05-2008, 01:22 AM

You forgot the Flight Attendant service fee, if you want the FA to do anything for you on the flight; the Safety fee, for instruction on safety devices; the Captain's Courtesy fee, for announcements; the quarter you need to adjust the window shade, and another quarter for the overhead seat light, the tray table...another quarter; the Airbridge Service fee; Taxi gate fee; and of course, the obligatory tips to the FA's and pilots, already factored into your ticket for your convenience.

Horizon CRJ700 · 07-05-2008, 01:55 AM

that was a good read, thanks for that, Tupelov.

StarAllianceFlyer · 07-05-2008, 01:58 AM

^Regarding the safety fee, it'll cost $10. However, failure to pay attention is a security risk and you'll be fined $50.

rapleylikeba · 07-05-2008, 09:37 AM

Did you make that up? That's genius!
It sounds like a crazy version of SkyBus (even though their fees were for more reasonable things).

Here's a funny video on YouTube:

A Tupolev · 07-05-2008, 11:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rapleylikeba

Did you make that up? That's genius!
It sounds like a crazy version of SkyBus (even though their fees were for more reasonable things).

Here's a funny video on YouTube:

Great video!

07-05-2008, 12:34 AM	#1
A Tupolev El Jefe Grande Join Date: May 2005 Location: Long Beach, CA Posts: 1,769	New Airline Rules Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket? Passenger: Sure. Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please! Passenger: What for? Attendant: For telling you where to sit. Passenger: But I already knew where to sit. Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy. Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it. Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not? Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this. Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you? Passenger: That would be swell, thanks. Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please. Passenger: What? Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee. Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, And fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10. Passenger: No way! Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that. Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me? Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee. Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this. Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you? Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it? Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes. Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air? Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents. Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar? Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go! Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar. Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents. Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this? Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory. __________________ More Tupolev planes please, Ty-114, Ty-134, Ty-144 My collection: http://www.diecastaircraftforum.com/...tion-3750.html

07-05-2008, 01:22 AM	#2
gospodin Diecast Blasphemer Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Ceti Alpha V Age: 52 Posts: 3,402	Re: New Airline Rules You forgot the Flight Attendant service fee, if you want the FA to do anything for you on the flight; the Safety fee, for instruction on safety devices; the Captain's Courtesy fee, for announcements; the quarter you need to adjust the window shade, and another quarter for the overhead seat light, the tray table...another quarter; the Airbridge Service fee; Taxi gate fee; and of course, the obligatory tips to the FA's and pilots, already factored into your ticket for your convenience. __________________ Steve When you wish upon a star, your dreams could come true. Except if it's a comet heading for Earth, then you and everybody else are pretty much hosed. Unless your wish was death by comet.

07-05-2008, 01:55 AM	#3
Horizon CRJ700 Insane Collector Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: KPDX Posts: 1,133	Re: New Airline Rules that was a good read, thanks for that, Tupelov. __________________ Sixteen Reasons for more E-Jets Mould's: Air Canada, Aeromexico, Jetblue, Virgin Blue, US Airways, KLM, Finnair, Lufthansa, Royal Jordanian, Flybe, Flybaboo, Northwest, Delta, JAL, Midwest, Mokuele

07-05-2008, 01:58 AM	#4
StarAllianceFlyer Senior Collector Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 169	Re: New Airline Rules ^Regarding the safety fee, it'll cost $10. However, failure to pay attention is a security risk and you'll be fined $50. __________________ Attention passengers....announcing the arrival of: GJ Air New Zealand B747-219B ZK-NZX DW Emirates SkyCargo A310-308F A6-EFA DW Qantas Airways B737-838WL VH-VYG DW Qantas Airways A330-303 VH-QPA DW Qantas Airways A330-201 VH-EBB GJ Qantas Airways A380-842 VH-OQB P-Model Qantas Airways A300B4-103 VH-TAA P-Model Qantas Airways A300B4-103 VH-TAC P-Model Qantas Airways A300B4-103 VH-TAD P-Model Qantas Airways A300B4-103 VH-TAE on November 22, 2008 from AirParadigm.com

07-05-2008, 09:37 AM	#5
rapleylikeba Mr Flibble's very cross! Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: London, Isleworth (Near to Heathrow-almost directly under Runway 27L's flight path). Age: 14 Posts: 191	Re: New Airline Rules Did you make that up? That's genius! It sounds like a crazy version of SkyBus (even though their fees were for more reasonable things). Here's a funny video on YouTube: __________________ British Airways! My SIA video at LHR RED DWARF RULES! Last edited by rapleylikeba; 07-05-2008 at 09:46 AM.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread: