Where do I sign up?
Dear Senator Sarbanes,
As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted
the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the
process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.
My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S.
Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed
by the Senate for which you voted. If my understanding of this
bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in
the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a
citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the
last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to
get the process started before everyone figures it out.
Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay
taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two
years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way
that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an
excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in
2004 and 2005.
Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local
emergency room as my primary health care provider.
Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my
accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another
benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would
receive preferential treatment relative to her law school
applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges
throughout the United States for my son.
Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the
burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car
insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still
have college age children driving my car.
If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become
illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary
forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.
Your Loyal Constituent,
Pete McGlaughlin
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